Empowering Reading: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying Book Review

The Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, by Bronnie Ware. ISBN: 9781401940652.

Life is a gift, but how many of us are too busy, too hurt, or too afraid to embrace its beauty? How many are living a healed and authentic life, grounded in love and happiness in the present day?

I highly recommend this book, not so much for the five regrets, which many of us probably already know, but for the powerful stories, especially the author’s deep and moving healing journey.

If you are wondering why your life is not as you thought it would be or if you are struggling with a midlife crisis of any kind, this book might be just the medicine that helps propel you forward to healthy change and healing.

For about eight years, the author fell into a career of caring for dying patients in a variety of settings, from private homes to nursing homes. From these experiences, she wrote an article titled, Regrets of the Dying, and the article took off all across the globe. This book is simply an expansion of that article.

As the author states, “After all, we are all going to die, and none of us wishes to do so with regrets.”

This review will touch on the stories and regrets of the dying, but circle back to the author’s healing journey, which is the highlight of the book.

Regret #1: I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Live a Life True to Myself, Not the Life Others Expected of Me.

The key is being true to yourself. How many people are living a life that is not their own? How many people are in careers or relationships simply because they are “safe” or “expected?” When we live a life for others, we are slowly creating a deep emptiness within ourselves.

One of the author’s many dying patients stated, “Don’t ever let anyone stop you doing what you want,” adding, “Live true to your heart… don’t ever worry what others think.”

Regret #2: I Wish I Hadn’t Worked So Hard.

Being successful (which can have many definitions) is a wonderful goal, but success is not defined by obsessive workaholic tendencies of long days and weeks of working, especially at the expense of family, friends, and relationships. Workaholism is often a symptom of unhealed trauma.

“I worked too damn hard and now I am a lonely, dying man,” stated another of her patients, adding, “don’t create a life where you are going to regret working too hard.” For him, there was always one more rung on the ladder, one more project to complete, one more win to notch on his belt.

Stop making plans for the future, for retirement, and start LIVING today.

Regret #3: I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Express My Feelings.

One of the hallmarks of struggling with the wounds from past trauma is that people shut down their emotions, often hiding their true feelings behind a “happy” mask. This is not living with honesty, and the constant lying and hiding wear us down. With healing, we can be “courageous” with sharing our true selves.

One of the author’s patients stated: “I was too scared to let my feelings show. I worked and worked and kept the family at a distance. They didn’t deserve to be so alone. I wish they really knew me.”

Another adds: “We must learn to express our feelings now, not when it is too late… tell people you love them. Tell them you appreciate them.”

Regret #4: I Wish I’d Stayed in Touch With My Friends.

When life gets busy (or full of busyness), people tend to get distracted, and the first thing to drop off is the connection with friends, and yet these people – especially close friends – are critical to our health and well-being. In other words, do not let a busy life get in the way of keeping close relationships.

As one of her care clients remarked, “I wish I hadn’t lost touch with them [friends]. You imagine your friends will always be there, but life moves on. Suddenly you find yourself with no-one in the world who understands you or who knows anything about your history.”

The author clarifies: “Loneliness isn’t a lack of people. It is a lack of understanding and acceptance. Huge numbers of people the world over have experienced loneliness in crowded rooms.”

Regret #5: I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier.

We typically can’t be happy all the time, as life often wears us down from time to time. On the other hand, we can choose to at least start the day with happiness as a goal.

“Every day is a gift now. Every day was always a gift, but it’s only now I have slowed down enough to truly see the huge amount of beauty each day offers. We take so much for granted,” states one of her clients.

Another of her care patients adds, “Don’t worry about the little stuff. None of it matters. Only love matters. If you remember this, that love is always present, it will be a good life.”

The author discussed her own issues with this topic, stating that she started changing her mindset by keeping a gratitude journal, recording all those special moments of joy. But later, as I do now, she says a silent prayer of thanksgiving at the moment when the blessing or gift appears rather than waiting to add it to a journal.

The key is living in the present – with a mindset to observe and appreciate all moments of beauty, love, grace, peace, and joy.

The Author’s Healing Journey

The last part of the book focuses on a powerful, initially dark, healing journey that healed many past wounds.

Like many of us, the author had experienced pain and trauma in her childhood (mainly from an abusive father), including times she either remained silent or reacted in self-defeating ways simply to keep the peace. “My heart actually asked for this healing. I needed to become the person I had been born to be, by breaking free of my past.”

“To know my true self… that divine wisdom residing within, I had to allow my feelings out. If not, they would always block me from reaching the potential of who I was truly here to be.”

She decided to stop avoiding a healing journey and dive in head first: “Old patterns of suffering rose with the force of a live volcano. Nothing could hold them back. Snippets of long-forgotten memories burst up from deeper than ever before.”

Because she went into the healing journey somewhat unprepared, the feelings and emotions brought up from examining her past sent her into a fairly deep depressive episode that lasted several months. She states, “depression is an illness that can be the most catalytic gift for positive transformation, if sufferers are allowed to move through it at their own pace.”

Healing helped change her perspective. In the end, she states: “I now understand that I deserved amazing goodness to flow my way.” She adds: “A happiness I had not known before, completely unhindered, joyous and guilt-free, became a more natural state.”

Other Words of Wisdom From the Author

• “If only we learnt to work together for the good of all, instead of against each other in competition and fear, the world would be a vastly improved place.”

• “Kindness and forgiveness are great starting points. Not just to others, but to yourself as well. Forgiving yourself is absolutely necessary.”

• “Gratitude for every day along the way is the key to acknowledging and enjoying happiness now.”

• “We have a light within that is magnificent and potentially radiant.”

• “It’s a pity that being who we truly are requires so much courage, but it does.”

• “We all have to heal our own way.”

• “Laughter is a very underrated tool for healing.”

• “As the heart grows, life brings more joy and peace. A happy life wants us, as much as we want it.”

Find more book reviews and advice for living a happy, healthy, and healing life here.