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Why Are We So Angry? You Have the Power to Change... Heal

A "controversial" news item sparked outrage with a friend who went on a rant that in no way matches the level of controversy and harm in the news item. Why? Why the intense overreaction?

When talking with another friend about it, he replied: "Some people LIKE to be angry... and uninformed."

Anger. Wrath. Rage. Fury. Madness.

That seems a bit sad, disheartening, AND profound. Are YOU angry? Do you like having that negative lens on life? Do you feel anger gives you an advantage or stimulates you into action/reaction?

Are we a people who like being angry? Or is all that anger masking trauma? Fear? Disappointment? Hurt? Pain?

PLEASE STOP BEING EXCESSIVELY ANGRY. Anger does nothing for us; it does not move the discussion. Anger simply triggers others into reacting negatively to your anger -- often from their own place of pain, shame, guilt, fear. Anger is unhealthy, unwise.

Anger can be defined as an intense emotion you feel when something has gone wrong or someone has wronged you. Feeling or expressing frustration or irritation is natural, but reacting with pure and vile hate and rage is not; it's how one deals with anger that matters.

Anger often is also expressed as jealousy, guilt, rejection, and embarrassment.

Defining Anger

First, let's clear the deck. You were not born excessively angry. Anger is not a genetic flaw.

Second, anger is a base emotion. It's perfectly normal to feel frustration and irritation over unexpected issues, hurdles, delays and express it in healthy ways. It's NOT okay when anger is excessively displayed and begins to affect your daily functioning and the way you relate with people.

Third, anger/fear can be a good thing when used for its intended purpose: "At its core, anger is a normal and useful emotion. It occurs as an important part of the Fight or Flight response, that serves to protect us against a real or perceived threat."

Fourth, anger is a health issue -- for all of us. When you get angry, your body goes through some physiological and biological changes, including the raising of blood pressure, quickening of the heart, and the release of stress hormones into our system. Prolonged anger can lead to health issues, including ulcers, bowel disease, insomnia, anxiety, and depression. Anger can lead to substance abuse as a coping mechanism.

Fifth, anger is usually a cover for something else. We're often angry not because of something external but because we use anger to cover up feeling hurt, lonely, grief, insecure, shame, fear, depressed.

Sixth, anger allows us to not be introspective; no need to go deeper than the surface. We like to live in our anger -- because while it may be destructive and useless, it allows us to keep "living" our lives without having to admit that we are broken.

Healing Excessive Anger

How do you heal your excessive anger? And you MUST heal that wound -- for your and everyone's benefit.

Many self-help books and articles related to anger discuss healthy outlets for anger, such as screaming in private, an intense workout, or smashing something harmless, but I think all these methods are doing NOTHING for you. All these methods do is allow the safe release of anger -- and that is important -- but do you want to worry about safely releasing the anger the rest of your life... or find a way to eliminate or reduce that anger permanently?

It all comes down to identifying the deep-felt hurt, resentment -- the self-shaming and self-image defects -- and changing the narrative. Reframing your past. Choosing not to identify with negative or shameful emotions.

We must commit to being introspective, we must commit to finding that deeply hidden (or not-so-hidden) trauma.

Methods to uncover that trauma include:

  • Journaling
  • EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy
  • Talk therapy
  • Community (trusted family, friends)
  • Meditation
  • Psychedelics (under the right conditions)
  • Breathwork

Final Thoughts on Excessive Anger

Chronic anger can lead to rumination, hostility, bitterness, chronic stress, health issues... even death. Is this the life you seek for yourself -- or a loved one?

The other part of the anger equation here is forgiveness. Once we have identified the cause of our anger -- the traumas we have encountered -- we have to clear that trauma with forgiveness.

The more we hold onto these issues that pose an affront to us and cause our angry outbursts, the worse our anger will become -- and the more likely we will continue losing friends and family, isolating us even more.

Thus, we need to identify all the transgressions -- all those inner hurts and traumas -- and forgive ourselves and the people who caused us the harm.

People often misunderstand forgiveness -- even see it as a weakness. That view is unfortunate, because forgiveness is more for our benefit than it is the person who has wronged us. Forgiveness FREES you of the anger, hurt, shame. It brings inner peace.

Here's the key: Forgiveness is making the decision to NOT allow what another person has done to continue affecting your mental and emotional health.

One final note: Find your best healing modality -- for your anger, for your trauma. Personally, for me, one of the best healing modalities -- because it will cut through everything to show you the trauma that needs healing -- is psychedelics. These medicines will not take any of our bullshit or excuses, will unlock your memories, and safely show you the trauma; after the psychedelic experience, you must then commit to integrating the lessons you learned and taking responsibility for making the necessary changes in your life.


Additional Anger Resources


EmpoweringSites.com CEO Dr. Randall Hansen Dr. Randall S. Hansen is an educator, author, and advocate, as well as founder and CEO of EmpoweringSites.com, a network of empowering and transformative Websites, including EmpoweringAdvice.com. Dr. Hansen's latest book, Triumph Over Trauma, is available in paperback and ebook versions. Dr. Hansen has been helping empower people to achieving success his entire adult life. He is also founder of EnhanceMyVocabulary.com, MyCollegeSuccessStory.com, and EmpoweringRetreat.com. He is a published author, with several books, chapters in books, and hundreds of articles. Dr. Hansen is also an educator, teaching business and marketing at the college level for more than 25 years. Learn more by visiting his personal Website, RandallSHansen.com. You can also check out Dr. Randall Hansen on LinkedIn.


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