"Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike."--Maya Angelou
Empathy is what makes the world a better place -- a place of strong relationships and compassion. Empathy helps us connect with others, establish rapport and cooperate with others, and make better decisions. Empathy is part of the foundation for kindness and understanding -- for yourself and for your fellow humans.
Empathy deals with the ability of people to think outside oneself to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of others. Think of empathy as the ability to walk in someone else's shoes -- to feel their plight and support them by listening to them and validating their thoughts and feelings.
Holding space sounds easy, right? Wrong. Many of us have a natural inclination to offer advice, to make suggestions, or to push our agenda -- all of which can work in many situations, but none of those scenarios is holding space. Holding space means we take on that pain, that sorrow, that fear -- to help relieve the other person.
Still want to be more empathic? Here are a few strategies for doing so.
1. Try putting yourself in other's situations. Without knowing the full details of what someone is experiencing, we tend to make assumptions and judgments; instead, try harder at understanding what others are going through -- and how you can help them (if they want more help than a listening ear).
2. Practice being more emotionally available/vulnerable. When a friend or co-worker shares something that is troubling them, they may not be looking for advice or answers. They simply may need someone to hear their problems and offer emotional support.
3. Work on listening skills. A big part of being an empath is actively listening to others and offering support. Many of us are poor listeners because we are often waiting to say something in response. Stop, listen.
4. Talk less, ask questions more. When people come to us to vent, share, complain, etc., some of us go into problem-solver mode rather than empathic mode. Empaths ask questions to help the other person better understand his/her situation.
5. Focus on feelings over solutions. Perhaps the most important skill for empaths is holding space for others -- so our goal is not to solve the other person's problems, but simply to be a sounding board for their feelings... to validate and support.
Thus, if you are on the high end of the empathy spectrum, be careful of placing too much time, energy, and effort into the problems of others... especially if you are ignoring your own needs. Being empathetic is extremely rewarding, but also potentially draining and exhausting. You need to always be sure and make time for yourself -- and your healing.
Finally, we are seeing promising results with plant medicines and empathy. Both cannabis and psilocybin have been shown to increase emotional empathy. Furthermore, other researchers have concluded that psychedelics increase prosocial behaviors, empathy, cognitive flexibility, creativity, personality factors like openness, spirituality, self-transcendence, and mindfulness-related capabilities.
See also this book: The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.